The Courtship

The Courtship · Journal

What a Matchmaker Actually Costs, And What You're Paying For

Every firm has a pricing page. Almost none of them put a number on it. We did.


Every matchmaker in this business has a page about pricing. Almost none of them put a number on it.

You've probably already found that out. You searched, you clicked, and you got four paragraphs about "bespoke engagements" and "tailored solutions" ending in a button that wants your phone number. That's not an accident. The number is withheld because the conversation converts better when you're already on the phone.

I'm going to do this differently, because I'd rather lose you here than waste your time on a call.

The number

Our engagements start at $15,000.

The final figure moves with what the search actually requires. A man in Manhattan who's flexible on age and open to travel is a different search than a man in a mid-size market with a narrow brief. Same firm, same care, different amount of work. Anyone who quotes you a flat price before understanding the search is either guessing or selling you something off a shelf.

If you'd rather just ask us: the twenty minutes.

What matchmakers cost across the industry

Across the category you'll see anywhere from a few thousand dollars to well past six figures. The high end usually buys exclusivity and volume of search. The low end usually buys a database and a person to email it to you. Both call themselves matchmaking.

Chart showing how much a matchmaker costs across the industry, from database services at a few thousand dollars to bespoke search past six figures, and what each price level actually buys.
Chart showing how much a matchmaker costs across the industry, from database services at a few thousand dollars to bespoke search past six figures, and what each price level actually buys.

Four bands, roughly. Database memberships at the bottom, where the fee buys access to a list and someone to handle scheduling. Boutique services in the middle, an assigned matchmaker working from that same kind of pool. Then private firms running an actual search for a short client roster, which is where we sit. Past that you're in bespoke territory, one client, national or international search, priced accordingly.

Before you weigh any of it against the fee, it's worth being honest about what your time is worth in this search. The bands matter less than you'd think. Ask any of them what happens after the introduction and you get the same answer. Nothing.

What you're actually buying

Here's the part worth understanding, because it's the difference between a good outcome and an expensive introduction.

Nearly every matchmaker sells you the introduction. They do the vetting, they arrange the first dinner, and their job ends at the restaurant door. What happens after that is your problem. If it fades at week six, nobody tells you why. You get another name.

That gap is the entire reason most of this money gets wasted. Not because the introductions are bad. Because nobody closes the loop.

We're on both sides of the introduction. She came to us too. Which means after a date, we get her honest read, and you actually hear it. Not a softened version, not "she's just not feeling it." The real thing. Over a decade and nearly 47,000 real conversations, the single most common thing men tell us is that they never found out what went wrong. They just kept guessing and adjusting based on nothing.

You can't correct what nobody will tell you. (That pattern is one of three we wrote up in why you haven't found her yet, if you want the longer version.)

It's also why we bill the way we do: a private matchmaker for men should be paid after the introduction has actually happened, not at signing.

Diagram comparing the typical matchmaking process, which ends at the introduction, with a closed-loop process where feedback after each introduction refines the next one.
Diagram comparing the typical matchmaking process, which ends at the introduction, with a closed-loop process where feedback after each introduction refines the next one.

The questions to ask a matchmaker, including us

If you're evaluating firms, these separate the real ones from the rest (the longer version is in how to choose a matchmaking service):

"What happens after the first date?" If the answer is "we check in," ask what specifically they do with what she says. If there's no mechanism, there's no mechanism.

"How many men are you searching for right now?" A firm carrying a hundred clients is not searching for you. It's matching you against inventory.

"What do you guarantee, exactly?" Anyone who guarantees you'll meet the person you marry is lying to you. Nobody can promise that outcome. What can be promised is the work: a floor of real, vetted introductions, not an "up to." Ours is simple. If we don't deliver them, we keep working at no charge until we do.

"Do you represent her too, or just me?" This determines whether you'll ever get the truth about why something ended.

"What's your definition of a fit?" If they can't tell you who they turn down, they don't turn anyone down.

The five questions to ask a matchmaker before hiring one, and what each answer reveals.
The five questions to ask a matchmaker before hiring one, and what each answer reveals.

Where we work

The firm runs searches for men in a handful of markets: Nashville, New York, Dallas, Miami, Toronto, Tampa, and Los Angeles. We also work with partner matchmakers in multiple countries, so if you're outside those cities the search just looks a little different.

Men ask whether the fee changes by city. It doesn't. What changes is the work. In New York or Toronto the field is enormous and the job is cutting it down with real vetting. In Dallas or Nashville the women you'd actually marry are mostly not on the apps, so the job is finding them in the first place. Miami, Tampa, LA, same idea with local complications. The price follows how much search your case needs, that's all.

Why we say no

We take a small number of men at a time. Not as a scarcity tactic, but because a real search absorbs attention and you can't do it forty times at once.

Some men we turn away. Usually it's timing: recently out of something long, or wanting the idea of a partner more than the actual person. Sometimes it's that what he's describing doesn't exist, and no amount of money changes that. We'd rather say so.

What the twenty minutes is

If you want to know where you'd actually stand, we do a short private conversation followed by a one-page written read: where you stand with the women we work with, what a serious search would realistically take in your case, and whether you're a fit for the firm.

There's a readout at the end and it will tell you plainly whether to work with us. Most men say they learned more in that call than in a year on the apps, which says less about us than it does about the apps.

Twenty minutes, private, and you get a written read either way.

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P.S. If you're just price-shopping, fine, the numbers above are the honest answer. Take the five questions with you to whichever firm you call. If their answers beat ours, hire them.

Common questions about matchmaker pricing

How much does a matchmaker cost?
Anywhere from a few thousand dollars for database-style services to well past six figures for bespoke private search. Our engagements start at $15,000, and the final figure follows what the search requires, not a package off a shelf.

Why don't most matchmakers publish their prices?
Because the conversation converts better once you're on the phone. Withholding the number is a sales tactic, not discretion. We publish ours because we'd rather lose you at the number than waste your twenty minutes.

Is hiring a matchmaker worth it?
Depends what you're buying. If the fee ends at the introduction, you paid a lot of money for a blind date. The question worth asking is what happens after each one. Does anyone tell you the truth about how it went, and does the next introduction get better because of it. The longer answer to whether is a matchmaker worth it is its own page.

Do you work with men in Nashville, New York, Dallas, Miami, or Toronto?
Yes, those are core markets for the firm, along with Tampa and Los Angeles. We also work with partner matchmakers in multiple countries for men outside those cities.

What does the fee actually include?
A defined number of vetted introductions over a defined term, her honest read after each one, and a search run for you specifically rather than against a database. If we don't deliver the introductions, we keep working at no charge until we do.

Do you guarantee I'll find a relationship?
Anyone who guarantees that is lying to you. What we guarantee is the work: the introductions themselves. No one can honestly promise the outcome.


The Courtship is a private matchmaking firm. We work with partner matchmakers in multiple countries, so where you live isn't a wall.

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