Almost nobody in this industry publishes a price. You are asked to book a consultation, and the number arrives after a conversation designed to establish what you can pay. That is frustrating if you are simply trying to work out whether a matchmaking service belongs in your budget at all. This guide sets out the price bands that actually exist, what drives them, and — more usefully — how to tell which fee structure is buying you work and which is buying you access to a list.
The price bands
Fees in this market are quoted per engagement, not per month, and typically cover a search period of six to twelve months. Ranges below reflect what firms in the US and UK premium segment — Selective Search, Kelleher International, and their peers — describe publicly or in consultation.
| Tier | Typical fee | What it buys |
|---|---|---|
| Database membership | $2,000 – $10,000 | You are added to a roster and introduced when someone else's paid search matches you |
| Standard retained search | $15,000 – $50,000 | A matchmaker works your brief, sources some candidates, screens, introduces |
| Premium / exclusive search | $50,000 – $150,000+ | Dedicated team, national or international sourcing, full vetting, tight discretion |
| Hourly coaching add-ons | $200 – $500 / hour | Image, date debriefs, feedback — usually optional, sometimes bundled |
Figures are indicative market ranges for orientation, not quotes. Every firm prices its own way, and geography moves these numbers considerably.
Database pricing vs representational pricing
The single largest determinant of cost is which of two businesses you are actually buying from.
Database-driven services maintain a large membership pool. Your fee — often at the lower end, sometimes free for the more sought-after side of the roster — buys inclusion and a number of introductions drawn from people already signed up. The economics work because the same pool serves every client, so the marginal cost of your search is small. That is why these fees can sit in the low thousands. The limitation is structural: your match has to already be a member.
Representational search prices like executive recruiting, because it is executive recruiting. A team takes your brief and goes looking — including for women who have never joined a matchmaking service. The work is bespoke and non-reusable, so the fee reflects hundreds of hours of sourcing, outreach, screening and coordination for one client. That is what puts credible retained search above roughly $15,000 and premium mandates far higher. Our own figure, and what it buys, is written out in a matchmaker's actual fee.
A $4,000 fee and a $60,000 fee are not the same product at different quality levels. They are different mechanisms. Comparing them on price alone will mislead you every time.
What actually moves the number
- Search geography. One city is cheap. National or international sourcing multiplies the recruiting effort and the fee with it.
- Specificity of the brief. Narrow requirements — faith, language, willingness to relocate, a specific age window with children still on the table — shrink the qualifying pool and lengthen the search.
- Discretion requirements. If you are publicly recognizable, outreach has to happen without your name, which is slower and more labor-intensive.
- Guarantees and term. A twelve-month term with a search extension or pause clause costs more than a six-month engagement with none.
- Caseload. Firms carrying twenty clients per matchmaker can charge less than firms carrying four. You are paying for attention.
Reading a quote properly
Once you have a number, the questions that matter are not about discounts. Ask these before you sign:
- Is this a search fee or a membership fee? Who else is drawing on the pool?
- How many introductions are contractually committed, over what term — and what happens if you make none?
- Will you actively recruit outside your existing database for this brief, or only search within it?
- How many clients does my matchmaker carry at one time?
- What is verified before I meet someone — identity, marital status, employment — and by whom?
- What is the refund, pause, or extension policy if the search stalls or my circumstances change?
- Is anything published about me anywhere, ever?
A firm that answers all seven plainly is usually worth its fee. A firm that deflects to testimonials is selling optimism.
Is it worth it?
The honest test is a cost-per-hour one. A serious dating effort on the apps runs five to ten hours a week — filtering, messaging, scheduling, and the dates that go nowhere. Over a year that is roughly 300 to 500 hours. If your time prices above a few hundred dollars an hour, a $30,000 engagement that removes most of those hours and improves the fit of the remainder is not extravagant; it is the cheaper of the two options. If your time does not price that way, or you enjoy the process, it genuinely is not worth it, and no matchmaker should tell you otherwise.
How The Courtship prices
We work on a retained representational basis, with a small number of clients at a time. There is no database, no membership, and no profile of you published anywhere. Fees are set at consultation against the actual brief — geography, specificity, and discretion requirements — and we will tell you if the search you want is not one we can serve well.
Named firms are trademarks of their respective owners. Price ranges are our own assessment of publicly described market pricing and are not quotes from, or endorsed by, any other service.